For my friends and readers, don't panic, while this post is a little dark, I am not talking to or about myself here. This is a combination of to someone and a writing assignment. all is well. here. xox

Poetry doesn't make anything better.  Pain is pain, even when it’s depicted in pretty turns of phrase.  I read it because it brought joy to ones I have loved at one time or another. Some of it I understood, some I just tried to, and some I just hated. I always felt guilty about it.

I always felt guilty about it, but it didn’t change the fact that I hated it. Not with poetry or with anything else.  My brother used to say that worry was the greatest sin – it has no power to change anything, it’s only accomplishment is your prolonged suffering. As trite as it is the only thing that changes anything is time. The bitch of that is, when pain is involved, time crawls like a turtle through peanut butter.

Like a turtle through peanut butter and you know if you make it out, and into the capable hands of your rescuers, you’ll be forever changed.  It’s a lie to believe that change is always a good one.  Not all change is caterpillar to butterfly, and much of it comes with a feeling akin to chewing broken glass.

Chewing broken glass, or just on the pieces of disappointment that follow a failure, a loss, a broken heart, won’t wipe you out, but I know you won’t be able to convince yourself of that at 2:30 in the morning when you’re busy choking on the blood of those past mistakes.

Those past mistakes, they only matter to you.  Second chances and second guesses never served anyone.  Don’t torture yourself reliving a handful of good moments plucked from a decade of pain.

Plucked from a decade of pain, the voice in your head works hard to cut you to ribbons. Quiet it, with the truth – nothing else will do. You didn’t earn this and it’s not your job to hold it.  

It’s not your job to hold it anymore than it’s my job to fix it. It doesn’t matter how I phrase it, pain isn't pretty even in a sonnet.

This Old House

Saving History in Small Town America.
On the corner of Main Street, just down from the beautiful and newly constructed town hall, sits a house easily missed by  passerby. Turned at an odd-angle to the road and partially obscured by the overgrown Magnolia trees, one has to fully stop to see the beauty that lies beneath.

Fortunately, for residents of Holly Springs and historians alike, the Leslie-Alford-Mims House has been given a new lease and a new life.

In the early 1700's the area we know today as Holly Springs, North Carolina was hunting ground for the Tuscarora Indian tribe. The arrival of European immigrants during colonial times led them to abandon these hunting grounds. The freshwater spring surrounded by 40 foot tall holly trees drew a tiny community that slowly grew to include a sawmill, a cotton gin, a one room schoolhouse, and a church. In the early 1800's a Scottish Immigrant and tailor, Archibald Leslie, moved in and built the 38 room mansion now known as the Leslie-Alford-Mims House.

A House with a Past.
During the Civil War, the Mansion was briefly a headquarters for Union forces trying to stop the retreat of Confederate soldiers. While Union soldiers stayed there, it is reported that Mrs. Leslie, charmed Union soldiers in an effort to save her home from being burned but that she was "unable to save the chickens."

The Leslie  home was purchased by Rebecca Jones Alford before the end of the Civil War. She too had a run in with Union soldiers, reportedly "whipping Sherman's Bummers with scalding water for trying to take her dinner pot."

In 1875, George Benton Alford purchased the house, making it the centerpiece of the town, and adding on to it to accommodate his mercantile business. Alford, a true entrepreneur, started several business in the tiny community. He used one of his many new businesses, a newspaper, The Cape Fear Enterprise, to promote the town. He was ultimately successful in petitioning the General Assembly to incorporate the town in 1877 and in recruiting other prominent men to obtain a charter for and incorporate The Cape Fear and Northern Railroad.

Down but not Out.
World War I drained the town, with a population of only 300, Holly Springs suffered greatly and was forced into recess, lasting through both the Great Depression and World War II.  While growth was booming throughout the region, it remained stagnant in the tiny town with the enormous house.

When Alford died in 1923, there seemed no hope for the town.

Civil War to Civil Rights.
During a time of great turmoil in the country, the town of Holly Springs and the house came back to life.  A growing population of primarily minorities saw small businesses begin to flourish. The end of segregation gave way to schools being built within the community and real population growth began.

Although the date is unclear, the home was purchased by the Mims family during these troubled times. They saw the election of the first black mayor, and the first black female police chief.

By the 1980's the Mims house sat empty, distant relatives of the original Mims purchasers unable to afford the high cost of maintaining and repairing the ailing structure. The aging monstrosity on Main Street didn't stop the rapid growth of the town. By 2006 the population had jumped to 18,000.

New beginnings.
In 2008, the Mims house was purchased, it's first new owners in nearly 40 years.  Charles Priest purchased the home with plans to turn it into bed and breakfast, wedding facility and Day Spa.

By 2010, the town of Holly Springs had indeed come a long way. Home to nearly 25,000 people, 5 public schools and conveniently located within 30 miles of Raleigh, Durham, and Chapel Hill the town has finally become what Alford envisioned. The renovation of his beautiful 38 room mansion nearly complete, the house is worthy once and finally of being the center of a southern town.

Looking Ahead.
The Holly Springs Town Manager acknowledges there is no stopping progress. The prime location of the town just 18  miles outside Research Triangle Park, and reasonable land prices are attractive to employers and employees alike as evidenced by both population growth and new businesses like Novartis moving their facilities to Holly Springs. However, the town planning commission clearly states that "celebrating the history and protecting the assets that reflect Holly Springs' history' is their first priority. It is clear that the restoration and protection of the Leslie-Alford-Mims house is a step in the right direction. Indeed, the proposed developments in the town place this house just where Alford envisioned it, in the center of the town.